To SithRevan Ė May You Rest in Peace - Community News
Posted by: JediShemL on 02-02-2009 @ 02:30
This News Item has been viewed 7,692 times
SithRevan was a former staff member of mine that hasnít worked for me in over a year. Many of you that hung around this site in 2006, and 2007, would remember him. This last weekend his twin sister was able to get in touch with us at the Holowan Labs community and break the tragic news of his death.
On December 4, 2007, my friend SithRevan took his life after suffering from deep depression that he just couldnít handle anymore. I did know about his struggle with depression and tried on many occasions to talk him through it the best that I could and I would like to think that whatever I said to him did help, even if it was temporarily.
I was first introduced to SithRevan back in July of 2006, when he made his first mods for the site. He was like a lot of different people who first started modding that he was a newb at it, but still learning. However, I could see that he had great potential to become a great modder very soon after some of the work he did. It was later that month that he applied to work for the site. Unfortunately at the time there werenít any job openings available, but I was keeping an eye on him to check his progress as I saw potential in him to be a great right-hand man for me when the right time came as I knew that JediKilla was getting close to quitting and that would mean I would take over the site once that happened.
In September of 2006, I moved up from being the assistant manager to the manager of KotorFiles when JediKilla resigned, and I needed to bring in a new staff member. So I emailed SithRevan and asked him to meet me online for an interview for the assistant managerís position. I must tell you that the excitement he expressed when I officially hired him was one for the ages. I could tell by the words he was typing that his excitement level was very high. Nobody I have brought in since him as ever shown the excitement that he had. I still get smiles to this day when I think of the reactions I read.
Here is the news announcement when he joined staff:
Once he was brought in, his work ethic was wonderful. I could count on him for anything. Anything I asked him to do, he did it without question. It was basically one of those things where if I asked him to jump, he would ask how high. He wanted to do the best he could do. As with something new to anybody, he did make some mistakes occasionally and I did have to correct some of those with uploading files. Back in that time we had to do more things manually and file uploading was one of them so it required more precision in doing it. I did tell him where he needed to improve and what to watch for and he would get so down about it. I saw right away he had a people pleaser personality and the thing I had to let him know is that I wasnít mad or disappointed in him and to never worry about mistakes as they were going to happen. The key was to learn from them and I would be there to help him learn. There were times I had to remind him that I wasnít perfect and that I have made mistakes and list some of the ones I made when I was learning how to use our system, even some that he made himself so that if I was to get mad at him, it would have been hypocritical of me to do so. It was those reminder situations where he finally learned to relax and know that everything I did was to help him and that I was always going to be supportive. I really hope that working for the site really helped bring comfort to him after working with me.
During the time he joined the site, KotorFiles was starting to boom in growth. I wouldnít change a thing during that time as he was the perfect staff member to have during that time period. We talked a lot on MSN about the site and what we could do to help each other out in keeping up with the mass growth. We even would compete on who would review the most mods that month to help motivate each other. The diligence he showed will never been forgotten.
It got to a point where he wanted to do more for the site and asked for some extra responsibilities. He is still the only staff member to this day to ask me for extra responsibilities. After a discussion on MSN, we decide that he would have the responsibility to run the weekly polls. This was one of those things we did manually again in terms of switching out the polls and creating the news announcement of the results as we had to take a screenshot of the results crop it down and then switch it out the poll when that step was over, then make the announcement for the previous week. All this had to be done correctly as no steps could be done out of order, or you would screw something up very badly and wouldnít be able to correct it. I had already made that mistake, but he never did after I trained him on how to do it. Heíll always been one up on me in that department and he did many polls the old fashion way. Today all we have to do is change the poll and it did all of that other stuff we did manually automatically for us.
SithRevan also saw that JediKilla, who was the manager of this site before I took over as site manger, ran a fan fiction section and he revived that when he was on staff and put a lot of energy into it. One of my projects was reorganizing the site to be friendlier in terms of finding what mods you were looking for and Iím not good with HTML editing. It was one of the last things I needed done when I was reorganizing the site to make it more appealing and it was SithRevan who did much work with the links on the sides of the pages that I needed done that you see today and he did a very good job.
One of the things SithRevan did during his time on staff with me was learn much about how to mod. He became a student of all the modding tutorials and worked hard on perfecting his skills in that area. He should be proud of the fact that he learned more about modding than I ever had as he has released mods that required skill that I even to this day never learned. His skills started to become more and more polished that he decided to start a huge modding project. That project became the K1RP (Kotor I Restoration Project) and Team Jawa was assembled with him as their leader.
Here is the announcement threads:
One thing he should be proud of is that his vision has inspired many restoration mods that you have come to enjoy on this wonderful site, especially in the K1 area of the game. There are still work being done to K1 today that wouldnít be happening if he didnít start Team Jawa. Iím sure theyíre going to do something special for him once they have completed their project.
Things were going great with us on the site until April of 2007. All of a sudden he became depressed and because of that, his work declined greatly and I realized that I was pretty much running KotorFiles solo. We would email each other every now and then, but I ended up being put on a search for a new staff member to replace his role as the assistant manager. He was going to remain on staff, but with a lighter role to help ease his burdens. That is when I brought in Emperor Devon on May 13, 2007.
It was a few weeks later that SithRevan decided that it was time to quit so I made a farewell that announced his resignation:
It was shortly after his official resignation that SithRevan and I had a chance to talk online and I was able to get him to open up a bit about what was going on and why he was struggling so much. He told me some personal things that had happened in his life and my heart went out to him. I talked about some of the things I had struggled with recently myself in hopes that it would bring him comfort. One thing I told him is that everybody had struggles in their life and that we need to help each other through them when itís hard to do it alone. I offered to talk to him whenever he needed. Apparently what I said helped and I was so glad it did. The only thing was he was a shy person and opening up was something he struggled with.
It was a short time after that I was going out of town for a two week vacation. I needed someone to at least fill in temporarily to help out Emperor Devon so he wouldnít be going solo for a couple of weeks. This was again back when we did things manually and one of the things that needed to be done on a daily basis was the PotD as they couldnít be put in queue yet. He had done this before for me back in January of 2007, when I had to take a trip out of town for a week, so asking him to do it again wasnít a stretch due to his diligence. He not only accepted the job to rejoin our staff, he was very excited about it again.
Letís just say he couldnít hold his excitement in and made his very own announcement about his return before I was able to get around to it:
It reminded me how he felt about being brought on the first time and it put a smile on my face to see it. It would have seemed things were getting back to normal with him again, but the only difference was he wasnít my assistant this time, but that was okay with him as I know it meant he had less pressure on him now that Devon was my assistant.
Slowly, but surely, things started to go downhill again. It was near the holiday season in 2007, which he had all of a sudden completely disappeared. Not only was I trying to get in touch with him, but so were others that included people who worked in the K1RP he started. It was very unusual that he wouldnít return my emails, which really had me very worried about him because that was our of character for him.
I did get some hope that he was around about still when I saw that his LucasForums account was accessed on January 18, 2008. That would be the last time it was accessed for over a year. What we all didnít know was that his sister found his password on his computer and accessed it to get some information as he had already taken his life on December 4, 2007. SithRevanís fate was still fresh in the familyís mind that it was not the right time to tell his friends in the KOTOR community, which I understand. It would be very hard to lose a sibling and the pain must be even greater when youíre a twin.
During the course of the early part of 2008, every now and then I would email SithRevan in hopes I would at least hear from him. The last one I sent was on March 13, 2008, telling him about our wonderful new uploading system we had received recently for mods and how it made it easier for us to review them. I went on and on in that email about what was going on with the KOTOR community and other parts of my life, but one thing I made clear was that I wasnít trying to get him involved again, I just wanted to make sure he knew I cared about him and that I wanted him to at least let me know that he was okay for my sake so I didnít have to worry about him anymore. I told him I wonít bother him again until I hear from him in case he wasnít ready to talk to me yet. Little did I know he had already taken his life over three months ago when I wrote that email. I was also holding back in making another farewell thread until I heard from him so I would know he would visit it. It just never worked out the way I had hoped and it got to a point where I knew it wouldnít have been appropriate to make one due the time length it has been since we all had last heard from him.
Every now and then I would be chatting with some of my friends from Holowan Labs online and SithRevanís name would come up as to his whereabouts and since he was closer to me than anybody, I was the one they asked. I was also informed that many people were looking for him and all I could tell them is that I wished I had an answer to his disappearance and expressed my worries about him.
On February 1, 2009, I saw a thread made by SithRevanís twin sister about his death and that it had been over a year. I was stricken with sadness when I got wind of the news, but I did find closure with it because now I can be relieved of any worried feelings I made have had of him left in me. I immediately went to my wife for comfort when I saw the official news of his death as it still brings some tears in my eyes knowing that he is no longer with us. He will always be a friend in my heart to me and I will never forget the wonderful times I had with him running this site. He was one of those guys I wished I had the opportunity to have had a chance to meet him, shake his hand, and thank him for all he did for me on this site.
Itís really unfortunate that it came down to that as he was better than that. Itís just too bad he didnít know that himself. If there was anything I could have said or done to convince him to not take his own life, I would have done it in a heartbeat. What must hurt more than what I have felt with this tragic news is the heartache his family had to go through, especially his twin sister. Even though it took over a year since this tragedy happened that she was able to finally come out and tell us the fate of her twin brother, Iím sure it was hard in a way, but in some ways it gave her comfort to see who her brother were friends with. She was on his LucasForums account recently again to get information about who to contact. I know that must have been very awkward to do all that and not know how it was going to be received because questions were going to be naturally asked about it and why his account was accessed, etc. Iím just glad that SithRevan was one of those people who had his passwords stored somewhere on his computer on the different sites he accounts with and that his sister finally was at a state emotionally to get around to tell us for our sakes and I want to thank her for the time she put in to do that.
If you have a chance, go through some of the mods that SithRevan made that are on this site as some of them are really awesome:
During the times he was here, SithRevan did a lot of work and his 118 mod reviews are the third most in the siteís history and he did most of that (107 reviews) in the first six months of his time here when he was doing well. He was definitely someone being trained in case I had to make an unexpected resignation to take over as the site manager at one point. All the work he has done has left a permanent mark on this site and as long as the FileFront network stays online, the work he did on this site will always remain including the mods he has uploaded with us. If working on FileFront staff was like being on a sports team and SithRevan wore a jersey number, I would be doing all I could to have his number retired by the FileFront network.
I would love it if some of who got a chance to know him to leave some thoughts and share some great memories of him that you had while working on either some modding projects or some great conversations you have had with him, maybe some of you saw some of his work and were inspired by it Ė just anything you can think of where he has made a difference with your life in the KOTOR community, even if you never knew him, but loved his mods as I know it would mean a lot to his family to read those memories. Also I will be declaring that every December 4, from here on out on KotorFiles to be SithRevan day.
To SithRevan: You will be missed very much and never forgotten! May you rest in peace my good friend!
02-06-2009 @ 03:18 - Weekly Poll Results - What will Revan be remembered best as?
01-31-2009 @ 11:06 - FileFront Network Insider #133
The following comments are owned by the user that posted them. KOTOR 2 Files is not responsible for their content.
Total comments: 58 | Last comment: 08-12-2011 at 23:49
From: (Tiaro, Queensland)
Joined: August 20th, 2007
|The good guys always die first. R.I.P. mate. |
Joined: May 30th, 2007
|It must have been a hard time for the family. Less We Forget |
Joined: January 13th, 2007
|When I read it on LucasForums... I just didn't know what to say, may he rest in peace |
Joined: September 21st, 2007
|Rest in peace SithRevan |
The good guys never die. For they live always in our hearts.
Joined: November 6th, 2008
|His mods still live so he's alive as well |
Joined: September 27th, 2008
|Rest in peace SithRevan |
Joined: May 10th, 2008
|Rest in Peace, SithRevan...I didn't have the chance to meet you here in KotorFiles, but I've met you through your mods...Goodbye. |
Joined: November 24th, 2008
|R.I.P dude |
sad thing he's gone
almost dowloaded everithing he had...
you will be missed
Joined: March 24th, 2006
|R.I.P and may the force be iwth you always fellow modding comrade |
Joined: March 24th, 2006
|i agree with 05,they will live through everything good they left their marks at... |
Joined: July 16th, 2007
|R.I.P. SithRevan and God bless |
All of us know of someone like SithRevan. A tortured soul struggling with the realities of this cruel world, tormented by their own consciousness. Often times these people hide their sorrow deeply as not to cause those they love the pain of knowing their true state of mind. Or for fear of being ridiculed as being weak or a sissy.
Do not let the tragedy of SithRevan pass in vein. Seek out your SithRevan and make sure they know that their is someone out there who cares enough about them to fight for them and dig past the obligatory "I'm fine." Most people who struggle with deep depression want help but they are either too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for it. It is up to us, the people who love them.
Joined: September 6th, 2007
|No smiley on this board can express what many of us feel for SithRevan. What I feel for him. I never actually got around to talking to him too much, but he made some of the best damn work on this site. To SithREvan. |
Joined: June 16th, 2008
|aww weak, r.i.p dude |
Joined: December 2nd, 2005
|...I expected this unfortunately.... rest in peace friend... |
Joined: November 23rd, 2008
|RIP Sithrevan |
Joined: April 5th, 2008
|R.I.P SithRevan |
May your spirit live on in your mods
and let the force guide you to a better place
Joined: September 26th, 2006
|its a dark day when we loose a member of our community |
Joined: May 3rd, 2007
|Shem, that's really nice. You're a really good friend to SithRevan, and i'm sure your help and support meant the world to him, and helped him alot. |
Thanks for all the hard work you put in here, and for all the great work you did on your various projects...
Gone but never forgotten...
Requiscat in Pace...
Joined: February 1st, 2005
|I didnt know him, but .....R.I.P man. |
From: (Nebraska city)
Joined: September 7th, 2008
|sniff goodbye sith revan. goodbye. |
Joined: October 20th, 2008
|Rest In Peace Sith Revan. |
you will forever be in our hearts
From: (Sydney NSW)
Joined: March 9th, 2007
|I didn't know him very well but he did help me out from time to time with questions I had. He was always very helpful to me. I suffer from severe depression myself and know what it can be like both for the person and the family as my brother comitted suicide. |
I have no doubt that he will be greatly missed by all that knew him, and by a lot that didnt as well I expect.
Be well SithRevan, may your new existance be a pleasant one...
Joined: September 8th, 2007
|Unfortunately, I never got to meet SithRevan, and never really got around to seeing most of his mods, but from all you said, Shem, I can tell he was a really great guy, and will definitely be missed. My sincerest condolences to his family and friends. |
Joined: January 8th, 2006
|How very sad indeed, you will be missed SithRevan. I'm sorry, I didn't know much about him but it is still very tragic that this happened. |
Joined: February 9th, 2008
|he is now one with the force |
From: (North Carolina)
Joined: October 5th, 2008
|never got review from him but his work was incredible rest in peace sithrevan you will be missed, my condolences on his family and friends |
Joined: May 3rd, 2008
|if SithRevan were alive, i would have thanked him for all the mods he made. but just remember this Shem: he didnt really die because of the jedi code line "There is no death, there is the force." All hail SithRevan. All hail SithRevan. R.I.P |
Joined: June 28th, 2006
|Oh dear... |
May you rest in peace, SithRevan..
Joined: January 26th, 2008
Let's hope you have a safe journey to that big KotOR tool in the 'bove.
From: (The Past )
Joined: March 22nd, 2007
|even though i didn't know him it is always sad when someone dies... so i say farewell, and whatever may happen to him now i wish him luck in. |
Joined: January 12th, 2009
|I only knew SithRevan through his work and the community. It saddens me to hear of his passing as it is obvious he was a very special person. His work here has brought pleasure to many, myself included. My condolences to his family. May you rest in peace SithRevan. You will always be remembered fondly. |
From: (Truro Cornwall)
Joined: February 5th, 2009
|I know it may look odd that ive just signed up and said this but in the last few years probably downloaded all his mods and i download mods for all sorts of games and i have to say is his mods where the best by miles and he also fixed KOTOR for me with is menu mod so R.I.P old fella |
Joined: July 14th, 2007
|The Force will be with you. Always. |
Joined: December 24th, 2008
|R.I.P i was a big fan of your mods |
Joined: March 31st, 2007
|Incredibly sad to hear of SithRevan's death, and his contribution of many excellent mods to our community will continue to flourish. RIP. |
From: (North America)
Joined: July 7th, 2008
|Rest in peace SithRevan and thank you for the great mods you made for kotor and be your soul be in eternal peace with no more suffering |
Joined: August 7th, 2008
|Rest in peace SithRevan, you will be missed. |
Joined: May 11th, 2008
|everyone dies eventually, some choose to accelerate the inevitable. i don't know who he is, but i guess we can hope that his family has taken it fine. after all, it is the living who are affected by a death, not the deceased. for obvious reasons. sorry if i sound brunt. is that the right word? well yeah, rest in peace. |
Joined: September 15th, 2007
|Thats a terrible thing. I really feel for the family |
Rest in Peace Sith Revan. I'll be praying for your family.
From: (the Darkness, Hell)
Joined: August 5th, 2008
|R.I.P SithRevan, I may have never met you here, I know well of your mods and greatly appreciate them |
Good Night, God Bless, and Thank You
Joined: July 10th, 2007
|Boy, this was a shocker...well RIP SithRevan |
Joined: June 18th, 2007
|R.I.P. friend. Even thogh I never knew him I still think that we lost someone good, |
From: (APO, AE)
Joined: January 18th, 2007
|R.I.P. SithRevan, and my condolences to his family and friends, and to you Shem. |
Joined: April 30th, 2008
|Rest in peace SithRevan. |
Joined: December 18th, 2004
|RIP - SITHREVAN |
As most of you know I was the former Site Manager of KotorFiles. SithRevan was a friend. We spoke many a time about mods and things in general. This is a tragic loss, not only to his friends and family but to the whole of the Kotor Modding community.
My heart goes out to his family in this difficult time.
Joined: June 12th, 2008
|May you rest in peace, SithRevan, your mods were awesome. I downloaded some of them in the past and I really enjoyed them.... |
I still wonder why people commit suicide though.
But still, may you rest in peace SithRevan.
From: (Hong Kong)
Joined: November 22nd, 2008
|What amazes me is that you can gain such freindship over the internet. Wonderful thing that kotor was made. |
Joined: April 26th, 2007
|RIP. You were a good modder and a good man, and you died before your time. |
From: (North Carolina)
Joined: July 31st, 2008
|one death after another...man... |
*sigh* RIP SithRevan and may the force be with you...always...
From: (Las Vegas, Nevada)
Joined: October 13th, 2007
|Shem, i am so glad that his death didn't bother you as it would me, and for you caring so much about him, your a great friend. |
Joined: October 31st, 2006
|Oh my goodness... I had no idea that SithRevan committed suicide. I always thought he had other things to work on that causes him to forgo his activity here. What a shame to see such a good person go... |
Joined: June 28th, 2006
|Oh my god. He was so cool, though. This can't be true! |
I thought my return to the KOTOR modding community would happy...and now this...
I was more than aquainted with him. We were fairly good friends. I just wish someone had told me sooner. I know, no one could have, but...damn.
I knew depression was evil and all, but the reality of it kind of slaps you in the face, right?
Joined: November 18th, 2006
|I salute you and your hardwork SithRevan, You truly are like Revan, making a hundred mods in 6 months just as Revan himself created a huge fleet using the Star Forge, as your mind is also like the Star Forge because of creating a hundred mods. |
Rest in Peace, and may you find a better place out there in the world that can only be entered through death. Your Spirit will go on.
From: (Rochester Kent)
Joined: July 21st, 2007
|Blimey ive haven't been around for a while. Just got round to hearing about this. I know whats its like to live with depression as i tried to take my own life a couple of years ago. Looking back im glad my friend turned up when he did and called an ambulance. |
My heart felt feelings go out to Sithrevans family and friends. Rest assured you will see him again when you leave this earth. To his family: "know that no matter how bleak things seem he will always be by your side; until the day you meet again.
Joined: June 18th, 2009
|I wish I met him, and see him review one of my mods. |
Joined: June 18th, 2009
|^ Rest in Peace my friend. You were a god modder. |
Joined: July 15th, 2010
|Rest In Peace bro. |
Joined: August 5th, 2011
|I feel bad that i had never heard of kotor around 2007, and just started modding a couple days ago, i wish i could have knew this man. |
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